{"product_id":"the-bon-appetit-apron","title":"The Bon Appétit Apron","description":"\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" style=\"line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 12pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eThe Vibe:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e Because the only thing getting roasted in this kitchen is the chicken—not your body. This is for the woman who realized her \"weight problem\" was actually just 180 lbs of toxic ex-boyfriend.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" style=\"line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 12pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eDescription:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but you’re a little busy reclaiming your peace of mind to care about his dinner. If your ex spent more time checking his own ego than checking your calorie count, this apron is your new uniform.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" style=\"line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 12pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eIt’s designed for the chef who’s done biting her tongue and is ready to start biting back. Whether you're whipping up a feast for one or hosting a \"He’s Finally Gone\" party, this apron protects your clothes from grease and your life from unsolicited opinions. It’s durable, it’s bold, and unlike your past relationship, it actually knows how to handle the heat without becoming toxic.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul style=\"margin-top: 0; margin-bottom: 0; padding-inline-start: 48px;\"\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" style=\"list-style-type: disc; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" style=\"line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eThe Design:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e \"CALL ME FAT AGAIN AND I'LL EAT YOU\" emblazoned across the chest in high-def, \"don't-test-me\" typography. It features our signature red underline—because some boundaries should be drawn in permanent ink.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" style=\"list-style-type: disc; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" style=\"line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eThe Fit:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e Adjustable neck strap, because the only thing you’re tightening these days is your circle of friends.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" style=\"list-style-type: disc; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" style=\"line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eThe Fabric:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e Thick, spill-proof canvas. It’s great for warding off pasta sauce, wine splashes, and any lingering feelings of self-doubt.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" style=\"list-style-type: disc; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" style=\"line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eStorage:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e Two deep pockets—one for your cooking utensils, and one for the phone you use to ignore his \"I’ve changed\" texts.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" style=\"list-style-type: disc; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" style=\"line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eWarning:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e Wearing this may result in perfectly seasoned food and a complete inability to care about what a mediocre man thinks of your waistline.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan id=\"docs-internal-guid-78cd1607-7fff-e7ba-4d91-d46e14c50dd1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- 100% polyester canvas with foamed lining for soft, comfortable wear\u003cbr\u003e- Stain-resistant surface shields clothes from spills and messes\u003cbr\u003e- Tie-back closure for an adjustable, secure fit\u003cbr\u003e- One size (31.5\" x 25.6\") with vibrant, durable all-over print\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Do not iron\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e- Non-chlorine: bleach as needed\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), gentle cycle\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"One size \/ White","offer_id":42452071481426,"sku":"28497730542540805640","price":41.2,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0562\/3296\/8274\/files\/20260617201337-1f16a890-6723-6bba-b9aa-0ecb48ae9424.png?v=1781727632","url":"https:\/\/www.crazyexproducts.com\/products\/the-bon-appetit-apron","provider":"My Ex is Crazy","version":"1.0","type":"link"}